Tales of a Female Nomad, by Rita Golden Gelman

A very dear friend of mine had been saving this book for me to read before my adventures and wow, what a wonderfully relevant book for me right now. In 1985 when she was 48, Gelman set off on a three month adventure that ended up lasting over 15 years. A writer and anthropologist, she lived amongst indiginous communities, sharing daily routines, food, love, laughter, pain... She's incredibly honest about the ups and downs of travelling and living this alternative lifestyle. When she described the first time she went to eat in a restaurant alone, I felt as though I could have written the story: during my first (and only, so far) solo-holiday to Spain last year, I remember facing the same dilemmas, the same dread.

I am incredibly grateful to my friend for knowing that I needed this book in my life right now. Somewhat ironically, I finished the very last pages as the plane touched down in Manchester, having just left Copenhagen to begin my own adventures.

I would recommend this book to anyone with a passion for people and for travel; I've felt so very able to relate to Gelman as she describes her experiences. So much so that I've been collecting a few passages that hit home...

Preface:

"I move through the world without a plan, guided by instinct, connecting through trust, and constantly watching for serendipitous opportunities. People are my passion... at the age of 48 and on the verge of a divorce, I looked around and thought: There has to be more than one way to do life. There is."

On eating without a dinner companion for the first time:

"I have never eater out by myself... and I don't feel like beginning tonight... When I think about going out, an advance video runs through my head: I am sitting at a table trying to look content. The restaurant is filled with smiling, chatting people. I am the only one alone. They are staring, pitying me, wondering where I'm from and why I have no companion... How do I pick a place? Do I take a cab or walk? Is the neighbourhood safe?

I can't do it. I'd rather not eat... I turn out the light, hungry and disoriented, as though I'm not connected to the body lying in the bed. Who is this person in this strange hotel, alone for the first time in her life? Why am I here? What have I done? I feel as though I'm in a play, following a script that was written by a stranger. Part of me is scared; but there is another part, deep inside, that is exited at the idea that I am about to enter the unknown."

On women, being trapped:

"I am no longer connected to the world I was in. The strings have been cut and I'm floating, looking on from outside as an observer instead of a participant. As an observer, I am particularly interested in watching women, married, divorced and single. So many of them are trapped in lives they think they must live, in roles they have come to resent, with little joy and no laughter. They've 'settled'. They've compromised. They've learned to adjust. Among the divorced, many are bitter, coloring their lives with resentment; others live only to meet the man who will complete them. I have no intention of adjusting, and I am not looking to define myself by the man I am with. The new me is feeling rebellious, looking for excitement, bursting with energy to explore. There is no way that I am going to sit around feeling sorry for myself, thinking that the only way I can enjoy life is with a man. With no posessions, no home, and no precedent, I am free to design a life that I want... I resolve to continue exploring the world, ignoring the they who define how people should live."

On whether to return to the 'real world':

"But no matter how often I ask myself if I'm running away from something, I always get the same answer. No, I'm not running away. On the contrary. I've discovered a new way to live. My life is endlessly fascinating, filled with learning, adventure, interesting people, new and enlightening experiences. I laugh, sing and dance more than I ever have. I am becoming the person inside me... I am embracing life, not running away from it. Why would I want to stop?"

On the joy of adventurous (and cheaper) travel:

"...this trip is pure joy. There is a part of me that can't help but compare it to the hotel verses backpacker syndrome. Do people who are spending more money have more brakes in their ability to have fun, are they more self-conscious, more demanding, more judgmental?"

On living in the same place for life - words of a Balinese prince who never wants to leave his home:

" I am a frog in a coconut shell and I must stay in my small world, even if it is sometimes not so comfortable. A person will be bewildered if he goes in another's road. Rich or poor, you must seek happiness in your own world. We can all reach the same happiness, but you must go in your world and I must go in mine. That is life."

On 'trying' to get in shape:

"I tell no one about my secret plan to work on my body, but I'm very excited about it. I have resolved to diet, exercise and work out with weights. I can close my eyes and see my new, lean, aerobically fit body, and I love it... Except, I don't do any of it. I never join a gym, I don't diet, and I walk four times the week before I leave. That's it. Sometimes I really don't understand me. I have put on a lot of weight since Mexico and I hate looking in mirrors. Photographs are even worse. Damn. Even when I set up a situation where I have to do it, I don't. I have a lot to learn about physical challenges. When I board the plane, I am still overweight and out of shape."

On wanderlust:

"My spirit gets nourished in faraway places. Sometimes I wonder if it's a biological need, perhaps a biological flaw, that compels me to seek the excitement and challenge that comes of being in a place where nobody knows me. Other times I think that my compulsion to settle into communities that are different to the ones I know is related to my passion for experiential learning. I learn best and most happily by doing, touching, sharing, tasting. When I'm somewhere I've never been before, learning goes on all day, every day."

On the next adventure:

"I'm not thinking about the future. While I'm here, wherever that may be (at the moment it's the library in New York), I want to be 100 percent here. One of the most important things I have learned during the last fifteen years is how to enjoy and savor the present. When I am writing, I am inside the sound and meaning of the words... When I am eating, I luxuriate in the taste and texture of every bite. When I am alone, I listen to and communicate with the silence within me and the noises and messages of the world around me.

And when I am with people, I am really with them. After fifteen years of moving through the world, people are still my passion. I love the constantly budding and blossoming friendships that define my life. Like the rice plants in Bali that are always in all stages of growth (to keep the giant from eating the children 'after the harvest'), my friendships with people are also in various stages of development. I have old friends, new friends, evolving friends, serial friends."