Copenhagen, I will miss you...
I moved to Copenhagen in January 2011. Next week, I will leave. After four and a half years, I will leave this fabulous city for new adventures. There are so many mixed emotions pulsing through my body.
The people I've met, the experiences I've had, the memories I've made... Do I feel happy? Or sad? Right now it's a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster I know so many people have ridden. It's the rollercoaster ride that takes you from one place to the next, that carries you and all of your belongings from one exciting adventure to another, hopefully bringing all the wonderful memories you've made trailing along in the wind: there's a seat for every friend you've ever made during your adventure on this rollercoaster, but you know you're now in different carriages.
I feel about Copenhagen what I have never yet felt about any other place I've moved to: I feel at HOME here. In a different way to how I feel about my 'official' home in suburban Manchester, where I grew up, where my family and childhood friends live, where my first 18 years of memories were made. Despite some rough times, despite the dark, cold winters, despite sometimes feeling isolated or even trapped in an international bubble, like a dear, trusted friend, Copenhagen has become home for me. Maybe it's because it's my first real experience living and working as an expat (my stints in Lausanne and Paris can hardly compare), or maybe this city and its incredible, 'hygge' vibe truly does have me spellbound. Either way, I am in love. I am in love with Copenhagen (at least in the Summer!) and sincerely hope to be able to live here again one day. (I'm probably mad to be leaving on the eve of our new school being built!).
Last night, I took my book down to 'my garden', the lake outside my
apartment. Summer evenings in Copenhagen are very difficult to beat!
N.B. An hour or so after I initially posted this, I read this PBS article
about Danish happiness and 'hygge' - does the photo look familiar?
One expat blogger from here had it right when she posted, 'It doesn’t matter if you are the one staying or if you are the one going. You have been a part of something, something bigger than just yourself.' In the almost five years I've been here, I have watched families and friends come and go - it's the nature of the job. Working in an international school we are part of a wonderful community, albeit one that is shaken up each year. Until now, I've always been the one left behind. This time it's me that's leaving and it's definitely harder.
My main reaction, in public at least, has been to smile my way through it. My final day with the kids was fantastic: we took the 6th graders out for a day of viking activities at the wonderful Lejre Sagnlandet. What a day! In a job like mine it would be difficult NOT to smile through it, even when faced with imminent departure. At the school leaving assembly, when I went up onto the stage to collect my parting gifts - a rose, a Danish flag and a school pin (a tradition the school has for its leavers) - my smiles and giggles seemed out of place amidst the tearful teenagers upset that they or their friends or teachers were leaving. Later, at the staff party as dear friends and colleagues - my family here over the last five years - came to say tearful goodbyes, my own tears wouldn't come. On the contrary, I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging, of togetherness as we all gathered for one last celebration. I felt immense grattitude that these people were in my life, for their support, kindness, cameraderie and laughter over the years. This wasn't a time for sadness or upset. At least not for me. I know that the sadness will come. I know it will hit me in waves. In big, strong, powerful waves. Until then, I will smile my way through my departure.
My last day of school - a day out at Lejre Sagnlandet. An incredible experience
for the kids and a wonderful way to spend my last day with them.
Leaving a place also means packing up shop. And wow... what a huge job it is to sort through all the 'stuff' that we amass. This is a job that I totally underestimated. I actually feel very embarrassed, slightly disgusted and certainly overwhelmed by all the things that I own. Things that I have absolutely no need for. This has become especially evident while I fill one measly suitcase for my next year of adventure. A whole year and I will take one suitcase and one small backpack (and even this is more than I'd wanted to carry). My lonely suitcase now stands amidst boxes and boxes of 'stuff' that I will pack up and move to the loft for storage. It stands amidst seven huge black bin bags of 'stuff' for the Red Cross, bags and bags of dry food and toiletries to give to friends, even more bags and boxes of 'stuff' to be thrown away. What a waste! I feel slightly suffocated by it all. I didn't know I was this person; I've always favoured experiences over things... I've never felt too too attached to material objects and I thought I was someone who could proudly say, 'I rarely, if ever, go shopping'. Clearly, my version of rare isn't rare enough. I hope that what I've learned this past week as I've been packing up and throwing out is enough to make me think twice about every single material object I look at buying ever again. Why why why do I own all of this STUFF? It's been incredibly liberating to let much of it go, that's for sure.
With one week to go in this beautiful city, I am feeling liberated, overwhelmed, sad but also happy. I am smiling. And grateful. Grateful that the experiences I've had, the memories I've made, the opportunities I've been given and the people I've met have made Copenhagen my HOME.